January 1st 2009

There are always two sides to a story. "To Him" offers a female's point of view.

How much benefit is involved in Friends with Benefits?
by BRUK DOTTY

With a decrease in long lasting relationships and an increase in divorce, more and more people are playing the field and finding other ways to have sex with no strings attached. Thus, te less commitment the better. But are there any risks in such dealings? If so, what are they? What role do women play in this game?

Stereotypically, women are believed to be more emotional beings than men. It is assumed that as women, we reject the idea of being a part of any relationship solely based on friends with benefits. Over the years, women have become more independent and open-minded than in past years. Women are now in positions where they own companies ans surpass their male counterparts. Not only are some women accepting the view of life with no children, but some have become just as comfortable with not being emotionally attached to a male. Just like men, we see the advantages of having non-committal sex.

Therefore, if someone simply says that women always bring emotional baggage into a friends with benefits "understanding," then they clearly have yet to address the real issue. The problem isn't that women are "too emotional" or constantly "desire commitment", but that the parties involved (be it male or female) haven't considered possible consequences of having a friend with benefits. Most of the time, people only focus on instant gratification and the ease of disconnect involved. They only consider the pros and never evaluate the cons.

Scenario 1
There is an initial agreement to eliminate all emotional attachments. Yet, someone develops feelings aloong the way...
I entering into an agreement like this one, consider all the possible outcomes. Do not enter into an agreement to not include emotion if you are well aware that you already have feelings for this person or stand the chance of doing such.

Scenario 2
Neither of the parties involved have made it clear as to what their intentions are...
Classic case of "hell to the no." By not laying down your intentions, you are only to do it damage to yourself. Going into dangerous turf blindly, is a dumb move.

Scenario 3
One of the friends involved knowingly deceptively misleads the other into believing that there is an emotional as well as a sexual connection...
Deceptively misleading someone and messing with anyone's emotions is a setup for jealousy and failure. Someone is about to get hurt eventually.

In the three scenarios above, you should realize that one common factor is missing from all of them: communication. This doesn't mean that friends with benefit relationships never work, they can work and they have, but it must be guidelines set and restrictions laid out in the beginning. In addition, not everyone is mentally and emotionally strong to handle such a relationship. Lying to yourself and convincing yourself that you can do so, isn't going to cut it. You must consider the following outcomes:

• Good friendship could be ruined
  • Discomfort (socially)
  • Could end on a sour note
• Abandonment - what if your friend enters a committment with someone else?
  • Leads to a feeling of regret
  • Jealousy
  • Insecurity - why not commit to me?
• Develop emotional attachment; feelings are not returned
• Not the only sex partner; exposure to sexually transmitted diseases

Once you have considered all consequences and you are mentally and emotionally capable of handling a friends with benefits relationship, then you should have no problem in the long run. It isn't recommended that you make this a part of your lifestyle for the remainder of your life, certainly the nebefits are only temporary.

*This entry is opinion based and reflects the viewpoint of an individual.
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